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Altruism is the doctrine which demands that man live for others and place others above himself.

- Howard Roark


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Then there was only the ocean and the sky and the figure of Howard Roark.

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I Will Always HATE Flying.
Friday, May 23, 2014

It's always such an uneasy feeling, being 38,000 ft. up in the air. You know the statistics, you know that flying is safer than just about anything we talking monkeys decide to do, but you still imagine all manner of horrible plane-death.

Every "bump", as the pilot so fondly refers to them, conjures horrible images of wings snapping, engines failing, a burning carcass of a passenger plane spiraling downward to meet the endless quilt-work of farm fields below.

Yeah, flying sucks. Nothing compares to waking up one seemingly ordinary day only to realize you despise everything you have built around yourself. It's like waking up from a long, boring dream about nothing. Your wife doesn't feel compatible anymore, the honeymoon phase with the baby is over, your job has lost it's magic...

All because you had to visit your family, because they grew up and became incredibly AWESOME human beings. I am so proud of all of proud.

Too tired to slap things together now. Tomorrow is another day with another endless supply of possibilities...


Added to the inventory at 1:36 am by DarkGrey
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We're All Cavemen, In our Own Way
Friday, March 14, 2014

If you are going to be a consumer-whore, at least do it with good intentions...

Added to the inventory at 12:55 am by DarkGrey
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Ode to the Green Goddess
Tuesday, March 11, 2014

There are many people on this Earth who believe that anything humans will ever need can be found in nature. Among them, I imagine, are those who believe this in a spiritual way as well.

My new favourite idea is that our heads are antennas: sending and receiving consciousness. Much the way your iPhone syncs with the iCloud, our spirits are "synced" to whatever awaits us on the other side. This is possibly where consciousness comes from. Psychedelics may be a real way to "amplify" that connection. A way to strengthen that signal and bring us even more in tune with that fantastic energy imbued in us all.

Another equally interesting concept (but much more tangible,) is the we are simply the universe becoming aware of itself...a star had to explode to produce the matter we are made of: we became a way for stars to look at themselves.


But I am here to acknowledge our ally, our "Green Goddess", Cannabis.

I have long since stopped thinking of Cannabis in the modern sense and instead chose to see it from a very human perspective. In modern terms, yes - Cannabis is nothing more than a filthy plant that makes you hungry and stupid for a few hours. Those effects have apparently earned it a place next to Heroin as a Schedule 1 narcotic. In ancient terms, however, Cannabis is celebrated the world over and has been for many thousands of years. I have no doubt it helped influence, at least in some small way, the development of mankind. It was very revered and celebrated and sacred. Used to meet with Gods face to face...

There are sects of Hinduism that believe smoking Cannabis will help achieve enlightenment. In some ways, I am inclined to agree. Of course, we can't Rastafarianism who's beliefs I will leave to you to discover. I have even heard once that Catholic Priests used to burn cannabis in their swinging incense burners. Why not? I am sure the effects must have felt very spiritual to them.

Unlike DMT or stronger psychedelics, Cannabis never pins you's as passive as the feelings it provides. However, it does share one thing in common with other psychedelics: it's primary purpose is to reflect back to the user the energies they are projecting. If you begin with a calm, open mind you will be rewarded with creativity and feelings of bliss. If you begin with anger and negativity you may find yourself anxiously awaiting the end of the journey. The key is to learn from your experience...Cannabis is so good at helping you to be introspective. I have left many sessions with personal goals in mind. Things about myself I may not have even noticed before.

I don't say this lightly, but I owe Cannabis much for all it has taught me about myself. I have become infinitely more sensitive to the feelings of others. It has inspired to seek God and to live a better life. It has shown me the empty pursuit of material goods and that happiness, true happiness, comes from within. Love yourself. Love others. I am not perfect nor do I claim to be - I'm just a stupid stoner who loves his weed.

Added to the inventory at 1:22 am by DarkGrey
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Where Was I Going With This Again?
Thursday, March 06, 2014

I spilled half of my tea onto my nightstand not too long ago. The pressed laminate is just starting to dry again. It was clumsy, I'll admit. Very clumsy...

But I digress. That's not why I'm here. Just bouncing thoughts off the wall tonight, but isn't it funny how my sentences that used to be run-on's have now been reduced to, on average, a short and precise string of words. A reflection merely of the current mood, perhaps?

Moving on; I find myself frustrated with my life. Not frustrated per say, but bored. I was born with a mind that requires constant stimulation. Lately I'm beginning to wondering if my addiction to stimulation is a learned habit. That is a theory I am more than happy to entertain.

Odd that in a world of increasingly constant stimuli, I should be back peddling at an even pace. Of all the times in man's history to shy away from technology, why now? Could it be influence from influential podcasters? Is it my passive way of rebelling in a system that has trapped us all? A combination of all three is most likely, I think.

My brain is mush, full of Minecraft and space for rent. The challenge, as always, is choosing the right tenant.

No worries tonight; count your blessings, not your petty problems!

Added to the inventory at 12:37 am by DarkGrey
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Das Bastard
Monday, March 08, 2010

A little ventilation:

I posted a few items on Kijiji the other day: a guitar, a glass drinking boot ("das boot",) and a game I never played since new. Just shit I don't use much that takes up valuable space around here. I got a reply for the drinking boot today. Of all the items listed, of course the least likely to sell is the one that gets a hit. Go figure.

The guy shows up within a few hours of the initial call, and carefully examines the piece. After a few moments he says 'I've never seen one of these with the seam down the middle. All the ones I've seen have a ring around the center of the boot where it was cast together. It's for my nephew...sorry, not what I'm looking for.' I stood there dumbfounded. I gave the glass boot a knock and pleaded 'this is built pretty solid, ya know.' But the fat bastard said nothing. Just squeezed into his Volkswagen and puttered off. I couldn't believe what had just happened.

I stormed back inside the house and proceeded to use all manner of curse words and profanities. I must've cursed that asshole for years to come. I mean, who the hell does he think he is? Let's kick the logistics here:

The odds that someone is going to see that item listed and want to buy it are small. It's a pretty odd thing to buy. The odds that someone was actually looking for a glass drinking boot are even smaller. Smaller still, are the odds that he wouldn't have bought one new for close to my sale price. But the deal was set in motion and that was fine with me. The piss-off is that he turned it down like there were 10 million of these things at the corner store! WTF MAN.

What the fuck...

If you're reading this you waste of time and definitely space, know that you're pathetic. My boot should've gone up your ass you fat fucker! If you can get them so cheap WHY DIDN'T YOU DO THAT MONTHS AGO!?? FACK!!


Added to the inventory at 7:48 pm by DarkGrey
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Zesty Italian
Saturday, March 06, 2010

I gotta throw some spice into the day to day. After yesterdays restless waking hours, I've had enough lol. *YAWN*

Walking is losing it's flavor...I'm always looking for the next big thing, it seems. Wait - not the next big thing, just the next distraction. Things are reaching the apex though as I wait for a lovely chunk of government change and all sorts of insurance goodies. The first order of business? Hopping on a plane.

I mean, what'd you think it would be? Theres a certain woman who's patiently waiting for me across the country ;)

Despite a less-than-stellar sleep last night, I'm determined to get a workout in today. The idea is to improve lol *flexes a perfectly sculpted bicep* ahhhh yeahhhh

I'm heading back to the spice Paprika? Who am I kidding, I'm terrible in the kitchen!

Added to the inventory at 5:54 pm by DarkGrey
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Mushy and Lovey-Dovey
Monday, March 01, 2010

I am in love.

It's quite ridiculous, actually...I'm in love like I never thought I would be. Like Hollywood, romantic comedy kind of love. The love that teenage girls dream about and soulful artists sing about. I have loved before, but now I know what it means to be in love: the difference is astounding.

But before I go any further, I want to tell you about my woman. In a word, she's incredible. Indescribable, even, though I'll attempt to do her justice here :p First, she's brilliant. She's very, very quick with the wit and regularly leaves me's quite funny, actually. lol I try my best to keep up but inevitably I get schooled! I love that about her...we have a very sharp 'back and forth'. It's legendary on days ending in 'y'. But don't get it twisted - so much humour is weaved into the discussions that I always find myself laughing like a fool. I don't know how she keeps that up, but I pray it never changes.

I can't look at so much as a picture of her without that familiar warmth filling my insides. It's like my soul is leaking into the rest of my body as it swells with pride and adoration. I can't live without her....I just can't. This isn't an abandonment issue, or any sort of insecurity...this is why they refer to the one person you can't live without as the 'one person you can't live without' lol

Wow...I wish I could describe this feeling to you. Even writing this now, I know what it is I'm trying to say. I know this feeling that I'm trying to describe to you now...

It's the sound of her voice, the way she says 'goodnight', the inside jokes...she very quickly became my best friend and my partner in crime; we rip the celebrity world apart. (Celebrities or ego-maniacs...our black-list is extensive.) I would happily go anywhere and do anything with her. I would proudly introduce her to any one she'd like to meet...

I've never given this much of myself to anyone before. Not my parents or my closest friends. NO ONE knows my like she knows me now. And I love that. I've waited my whole life to find someone who would understand me on that level. It's very hard to let you into that pocket of my psyche but trust me when I say it's an affliction I've always had - and she turned out to be the cure.

I'm so in love with this woman I want to scream. Is it possible to love someone so much it hurts? I don't want to marry her, because I feel that wouldn't do it justice. But alas, it's the highest socially acceptable level of commitment lol so I suppose it'll have to do.

I'll leave you now with a challenge: think of someone in your life you could talk to for hours every day. And I mean, every day. And on the days you can't talk with that person, would you lose your marbles? Would the day seem wasted?

For me it does.

I love you baby. I really, really love you...

<3 Hubby

Added to the inventory at 8:51 pm by DarkGrey
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"I've got it here in my iPhin"
Saturday, February 27, 2010

I will never own an iPhone.

No offense to any current owners, but the Apple operating system in general drives me up the wall. I can see how you can get pretty efficient with it after a few months but it was a bloody headache and a half to do anything technical on there. I'll provide a setting here;

My old man has been using a Blackberry for the past....9 or 10 months. An opportunity came up to get a great deal on a new iPhone. He's heard a lot about them from his friends and was adamant about trying and possibly owning one of the by-products of the lifestyle obsession. Within hours of plugging the newcomer into his PC, he sought my expertise. I fully expected this.
The touchscreen was a pain in my royal ass to navigate. I expected this also. What I didn't expect, was the ridiculous lack of technical features on this marvel of app engineering. This picture best describes the pros and cons of Mac/PC ownership.

Apple software is great for most people...MOST people; people who don't wanna pop the hood or, like in that pic, drive around at 150mph lol. But every once in a while, you need to get your hands dirty and sync an iPhone with Outlook Web Access. I'm not real well versed in Mac's foreign technology, but I thought I could at least manage that task. Fiddling with a number of fun, colorful icons eventually brought me to the configuration menu for email and messaging. The next couple of hours consisted of extremely frustrating touchscreen navigation, thousands of failed login attempts and a multitude of curse words. I was trying to assemble a Formula 1 race engine with basic hand tools.

Now I can't drawl on and on and look TOO negative, because there's not a real high demand for negativity nowadays (lol). Here's what I liked about the latest iPhone:
- It looks real sleek. Very nice finish...
- The screen is massive, and extremely crisp: something I've come to expect from Apple.
- The speakerphone is uber loud which I love.
- It never drops connection. Never.

....I hate that touchscreen.
I hate it.

Added to the inventory at 7:10 pm by DarkGrey
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The Jesus Juice
Thursday, February 25, 2010

Isn't it interesting how my blog becomes my couch and you become my psychologist? Isn't it fascinating that this only seems to occur during my terms of unemployment? Is there a correlation? You bet your ass there is. 'That Sinking Feeling' (previous entry,) has evolved (or de-evolved?) into a general discontent and agitated state. I'm just I'm not depressed, don't get me wrong. That phase has come and gone (thanks in no small part to the generous advice of the apple of my eye. Kick-starting my workout regime has also proved to be invaluable in this struggle to maintain sanity under this roof.

A healthy, active mind brimming with potential such as my own, needs a constant supply of stimulation and to an extent - problems to be solved. What happens when you deprave said mind of said activity? It starts looking for it's own. I've been trying to solve all sorts of mental rubic's cubes lately. I mean, cubes that didn't need to be solved. I find myself looking for arguments to dive into or digging up a little dirt on social networking sites. Not because I want to pick a fight necessarily, but mostly because it takes my mind for a short jaunt...keeps things sharp, so to speak. Trust me when I say there are only so many video-games a brilliant 22 year-old mind can plow through before they all start to blur together. I don't need a hobby: I need a job. My gawd do I need a job...I mean, unemployment is great! (Until the end of the second week or until you've cleaned your place top to bottom...whichever comes first.)

Honesty time: I indulged in a little red wine tonight...*sip* I fought the urge as long as I could (not looking to go down that road again!) but ultimately, I needed to take the edge off...boredom feels as though is getting worse exponentially. We'll see what happens in the next few weeks...I mean, my woman got hired as of yesterday morning! (Congratulations hunn! You deserve the best! <3) I feel renewed - it gives me hope that something is out there waiting for me as well...

As an afterthought, I wonder how many other bloggers out there are venting their unemployment's not exactly a stellar economy for job-hunting..

I think I'll politely finish my wine, and get lost online while I wait for the girlfriend...yes...yes I will.

Thanks, doc. Same time next week?

Added to the inventory at 12:53 am by DarkGrey
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That Sinking Feeling
Saturday, February 20, 2010

Ugh I need to find something to occupy my time and more specifically my mind. I'm starting to get small bouts of depression lately from all the inactivity...

I got fed up with it tonight and went for a long stroll with my iwhore in my pocket. Felt good man. The air was crisp and just seconds into my walk I felt the urge to break into a full stride: I felt like an animal that had just broke its well worn leash and escaped into the night...I felt a massive burst of energy surge through me like my body was aware of the endless miles of streets in every direction; endless miles of potential and freedom..

As it is for (I imagine,) most people that reach a point like this, most of it stems from a lack of direction...a lack of a sense of's like I'm waking up just for the sake of being alive to consume for another day. GAH! There was honestly a point during my walk that I would have loved nothing more to get into a fight with a complete stranger. I wanted to be hit in the face hard...and I knew it would make me feel ALIVE. THAT's what I'm craving...that feeling of being alive! The rush, the adrenaline, the fight, the blood and the bruises...the feeling of battery acid in your veins from running for longer than you should have...that thick saliva that fills your lungs when you haul ass through freezing cold air. Being out in the elements...

Depositing a paycheque doesn't give me that feeling. I don't feel a passion or an energy when I picture it as I do when I picture any of the above examples. It just feels...empty. Like you're a robot...a slave to society...something you have to do. Some people live to make the dollar and that's fine...that's what gives them their high of being alive. But not me. I'm not saying fighting someone is exactly what I need, it's just that danger of being hurt...that struggle..

I'm not struggling here. I need nothing, I want nothing in this house. I'm 100% provided for: it's lulled me to sleep and now it's making me depressed. I wrote in an earlier entry that my mind is prize-winning race horse that's being kept in a stall when it should be out stretching it's legs and doing what it does best.

The pastures out there were green - and I've noticed the gate to the stall was left slightly ajar...

Added to the inventory at 2:04 am by DarkGrey
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